Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
