I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
