New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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