Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
