Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i think my cat just said my name.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
