The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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