i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Randomize
