Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
