i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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