i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
