I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
