Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
