Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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