Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
