dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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