if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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