I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My balls are so social today.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
