Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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