Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
