so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
