Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You pole danced in your parka.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
