Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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