YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize