I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
