Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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