you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
