I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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