I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
well you can't waste a boner
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
