I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Drunk is not a location!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
