I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
