another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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