I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
