I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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