Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
