What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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