Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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