That's intense
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
