You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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