btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize