Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Can i not drive my cunt home
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
