I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
