so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
