Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
