have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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