Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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