bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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