What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
