party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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