Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
