I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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