just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Randomize
