There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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