I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
