Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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