he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
