I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
