I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
