I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
