so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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