i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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