I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
mondays should just be called national damage control day
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
