if only i could text you this smell
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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