Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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