i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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