Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
