a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
