two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
